The World’s Hottest Chilli Vodka

We’re going to introduce you to our latest product, but you’ll probably wish we hadn’t. You’ll wish we never even made it. You see, folks, we’ve created the world’s hottest chilli vodka, the aptly named Naga Chilli Vodka.

The World’s Hottest Chilli Vodka

It’s also our first product to come with a lengthy warning on the product page and even on the label on the back of the bottle. The truth is, whilst we want your custom, we really strongly advise you to close this blog post now and make yourself a nice cup of tea. Tea’s nice. Tea won’t try to murderdeathkill you in a fiery haze of lava, spite and malice.

To give you a little introduction, we’ve long since been proponents of chilli. We love the stuff. Perhaps you’ve heard the rumours, but we will tell you we certainly don’t have a horrifying initiation in which new members of staff partake in ritual chilli-eating. That would be immoral and probably illegal. That never happens, no officer. That aside, we love the flavour. Nothing beats a furiously spicy Phall curry, or a healthy dose of Nando’s Extra Hot Sauce on a freshly cooked chicken and chips.

With that in mind, it made sense for us to make our own Chilli Vodka. Furthermore, we’ve noticed the majority of chilli products simply aren’t hot enough. A little ear-watering perhaps, but the pain always subsides relatively quickly, and that’s just not the point at all, is it? We knew we had to go above and beyond the call of duty…

How we made The World’s Hottest Chilli Vodka

The whole range is made from just pure wheat spirit and Naga Jolokia chillies (also known as Ghost Chillies), which are so intense that they are used by the Indian armed forces as a key ingredient in their chilli-based tear gas grenades.

It started with a 100,000 Scoville edition, then progressed to a 250,000 monstrosity before we went and did something truly unacceptable and made a 500,000 Scoville vodka. For noobs, the Scoville scale measures the pungency/spiciness of chilli peppers and other hot substances using Scoville Heat Units (SHU). For reference, a jalapeño ranks around 2,500–8,000 Scovilles.

We gave some to a gullible-looking placement student. Here are his findings:

The World’s Hottest Chilli Vodka tasting note:

Nose: Good crivvens, this stuff smells like pure evil, like the very blood of Satan himself. Such a pungent nose of chilli, it makes your eyes water just sniffing it.

Palate: Oh, actually, this stuff’s not so bad… Wait a second… What’s that… A burning sensation… Oh dear, please no…

Finish: asdfkjhjj hfasjklkljfds klajkh khffjk hfjkhfjhklfhjkjfj fkjhlf.

Comment: SJjkhahjklaskjhsd aasdfsd asdfasdff.

He’s just mashing his hands against the keyboard, and he has a look of panic and also terror as though he’s seen things no one ought ever see…

We poisoned Phillip Schofield

Here’s a clip of Phillip Schofield taking a shot of the OG 100,000 Scoville Naga Chilli vodka. Live.

If anything is going to give him an idea of how Gordon the Gopher felt, it’s this.

The disclaimer

As you can see, this stuff is hot. So spicy, in fact, that we have to make sure before purchasing this bottle, you agree that:

1) I have been warned and fully understand that this product contains extreme heat and should be used and handled responsibly.

2) I use this product entirely at my own risk, and I understand the potential danger if used or handled irresponsibly. If I give this product as a gift, I will make the recipient aware of the potential danger if used or handled irresponsibly.

3) I accept that the retailer and manufacturer of this product will, under no circumstances, be responsible for, or liable for, any claims of injury or damage arising from the use or misuse of this product and by purchasing this product, whether for myself or as a gift, I acknowledge and agree to this fact without question.

4) I am not inebriated or of unsound mind and am fully able to make a rational decision to purchase this product.