We’re going to introduce you to our latest product, but you’ll probably wish we hadn’t. You’ll wish we never even made it. You’ll wish I tried my best to detain Ben with duct tape and string when he first told me how he was making this vodka, rather than just saying “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea…”

You see, folks, we’ve created the world’s hottest chilli vodka, the aptly named: 100,000 Scovilles – Naga Chilli Vodka

It’s also our first product to come with a lengthy warning on the product page and even the label on the back of the bottle. The truth is, whilst we want your custom, we really strongly advise you to close this blog post now and make yourself a nice cup of tea. Tea’s nice. Tea won’t try to murderdeathkill you in a fiery haze of lava, spite and malice.

To give you a little introduction, we’ve long since been proponents of chilli. We love the stuff. Perhaps you’ve heard the rumours, but we will tell you we certainly don’t have a horrifying initiation in which new members of staff partake in ritual chilli-eating. That would be immoral and probably illegal. That never happens, no officer. That aside, we love the flavour. Nothing beats a furiously spicy Phall curry, or a healthy dose of Nando’s Extra Hot Sauce on a freshly cooked chicken and chips.

With that in mind, it made sense for us to make our own Chilli Vodka. Furthermore, we’ve noticed the majority of chilli products simply aren’t hot enough. A little ear-watering perhaps, but the pain always subsides relatively quickly, and that’s just not the point at all, is it? We knew we had to go above and beyond the call of duty, and so to make our chilli vodka, we started with the world’s hottest chilli, the Naga Jolokia – hotter than most Law Enforcement-grade Pepper Spray…

Naga Chillies

We then took a carboy and half-filled it with top quality grain vodka…

Then we stuffed it with as many Naga Jolokia chillies as we could possibly fit in it (about 18kg!) till there was nothing but darkness. Darkness and terror in equal amount.

World's Hottest Chilli Vodka

Then we left this little concoction to infuse for a few weeks until the vodka turned a deep caramel colour and started to smell very pungent, and then we knew it was time to release the monster we’d created, and so we present to you…

100,000 Scovilles – Naga Chilli Vodka

Chilli Vodka

We gave some to a gullible-looking placement student. Here are his findings:

Nose: Good crivvens, this stuff smells like pure evil, like the very blood of Satan himself. Such a pungent nose of chilli, it makes your eyes water just sniffing it.

Palate: Oh, actually, this stuff’s not so bad… Wait a second… What’s that… A burning sensation… Oh dear please no…

Finish: asdfkjhjj hfasjklkljfds klajkh khffjk hfjkhfjhklfhjkjfj fkjhlf

Comment: SJjkhahjklaskjhsd aasdfsd asdfasdff [Ed. He’s just mashing his hands against the keyboard and he has a look of panic and also terror as though he’s seen things no one ought ever see…]

Ben sneakily gave a tiny sample of the Naga Chilli Vodka to Tristan Stephenson, the owner of Purl and Whistling Shop and 2011’s Bartender of the Year. This video says it all…

You can buy yourself a bottle of this stuff for £32.95 here, but we strongly recommend you don’t… Just forget all about this stuff, please…

The Chaps at Master of Malt.