Caption Contest #3 – Win a dram of Lagavulin Feis Ile!

American Psycho

In our last caption contest, I posted a doctored still from the movie Scarface. I was pushing my luck a little, particularly as it involved editing out a machine gun and replacing it with a bottle of Bathtub Gin and a Martini. Ben let me get away with it.

This time, I think I may be in for a telling off, but it’ll be funny while it lasts, and delicious for all as the best three caption suggestions will each win a 3cl sample of the staggeringly good Lagavulin Feis Ile 2011, a Lagavulin whisky that we just loved when we first tried it on Islay last year (in a little cottage in a powercut in the middle of a ferocious storm no less!).

Your captions please for:

Patrick Bateman

The closing date is Friday 27th January… we await your suggestions!


PS. Please censor yourselves just a little, if only for propriety’s sake… Nothing too rude please!

Categories : Competitions, Whisky

50 comments on “Caption Contest #3 – Win a dram of Lagavulin Feis Ile!”

  1. Tom says:

    I don’t want to get you drunk, but, ah, that’s a very fine Whisky you’re not drinking…

  2. G-LO says:

    I didn’t want to have to kill you. But you left me no choice. If only you’d have offered me a dram. Now you’ll never get to try this beguiling and flavor filled Lagavulin expression. Stupid bitch.

  3. Matt Taylor says:

    I didn’t want to kill you, but if your going to mix this Whisky with Coke, then you leave me no choice

  4. jellydonut says:

    Do you like Lagavulin? I’ve been a big Islay fan ever since the release of their Distiller’s Edition, cask strength. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual.

  5. French guy says:

    Damn jet lag!

  6. JoshK says:

    There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul’s whisky had more peat … and is obviously more expensive than mine.

  7. Thomas Aske says:

    "don’t just look at it – drink it"

  8. Fraser Paterson says:

    I’ve not seen the movie – an excuse for my bad caption
    "mmmmm, putting the villian in lagavulin"

  9. wayne says:

    "……where can i hide this so that Robin cant get it ???….it’s in his best interests….Holely peaty goodness Robin….."

  10. Kavey says:

    Patrick Bateman ponders swapping out his friend’s Lagavulin for a bottle of Teachers. He’s "a pretty sick guy"…

  11. Kees Noeken says:

    If you are thirsty drink water, if you want to enjoy your thirst drink Lagavullin

  12. James says:

    Is that a raincoat ?

    Yes, it is. In ’11, Lagavulin released this, Feis Ile 2011, their most accomplished dram. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Lagavulian 16"

    The dram’s so peaty, most people probably don’t savour the flavours.

  13. Ed says:

    "Wow, I never thought I would encounter anything smoother and better looking than myself"

  14. Ed says:

    or should it be "better looking than me"? hmmm

  15. Damn it ! I was so drunk last night I filled my torture bag with single malt instead of my usual tools. Now, what should I do with that one ?

  16. simon bell says:

    "Well i’m not going to hack many people up with this, now where the hell did i leave that axe"….

  17. Jason Bain says:

    Peat! Peat! is that you in there?
    What have they done with Big Peat?

  18. Justin Burt says:

    Patrick Bateman: Do you like Lagavulin?
    Paul Allen: It’s OK.
    Patrick Bateman: Their younger work was a little too peaty for my tastes, but when the 21 year-old came out, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole dram has a clear, crisp flavor, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the distillery a big boost. They’ve been compared to Laphroig, but I think Lagavulin has a far much more complex, sweet sense of taste.
    Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
    Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
    Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
    Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
    Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
    Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In ‘2011, Lagavulin re-released this, Feis Ile, their most accomplished bottling. I think it’s their undisputed masterpiece, a dram so tasty, most people probably don’t take to time to appreciate all of its flavors. But they should, because it’s not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it’s also a personal statement about whisky itself.
    [raises bottle above head]
    Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
    [bashes Allen in the head with the bottle]
    Patrick Bateman: TRY USING SINGLE MALTS IN YOUR MANHATTENS NOW YOU… [Ed. Edited for propriety’s sake]

  19. Justin Burt says:


    "Don’t touch the scotch."

  20. Jason Baglietto says:

    a: Don’t just stare at it, drink it!

    (someone attempted this already but with the incorrect verbiage)

    b: Dorcia is really getting to be very upscale!

  21. Kavey says:

    A dram a day keeps my cheek bones looking Feis-ty!

  22. Kavey says:

    "That’s a very fine Lagavulin you’re drinking. I want you [Ed. Removed for propriety]"

  23. paul newcombe says:

    " Hmm….I’ve plenty of time to sober up before Batman Begins " !

  24. bob says:

    Mmm. Looks too good to drink, but what the hell !

  25. Gal Granov says:

    You’ve been double timing me again?

  26. Mark says:

    "When I looked at her a part of me wanted to open her, the other part of me wanted to see what she looked like smashed against the wall…"

  27. Hans says:

    Look what I found in the belly!

  28. Matt says:

    That’s bee-you-tee-ful, what is that… velvet?

  29. Russ says:

    You’re not really blonde are you, more of a dirty blonde…

  30. Russ says:

    Your compliment was enough, Lagavulin.

  31. Russ says:

    Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!

  32. Russ says:

    I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to… sip?


    Cheers all

  33. Thierry says:

    "Damn! I wish I was man enough."

  34. Wm thompson says:

    Just my usual dram and it’s alter ego time, hmmmm.

  35. William George Hynd says:

    Come out and play, pour out another bottle
    Let’s do it all today and worry about it all tomorrow
    I do it for the thrill
    You know I love the rush
    And once you get me going I can never get enough
    I grew tired of the same, then one night
    Packed my things, told the one I love
    I’ll be back one day
    Through the fight, through the pain
    Booked a flight, took a flight
    Told her not to cry
    I’ll be back one day
    Ok I’m in it, I’m in it to the finish
    I keep them bottles coming like my card aint got no limit
    Got some friends that playing football
    And some friends that playing cricket
    I said I’m in it, I’m in it till the finish
    I keep them bottles coming till there ain’t nothing in it
    We gone keep it coming till I no speak no English
    Been dreaming this since I was young
    So baby girl I’ll be going I am fed up singing the same old song
    But "I’ll be back" Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I’ll be back"
    And I won’t be gone long.

  36. Kevin Savage says:

    Is that a Lagavulin in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?

  37. Linda Burt says:

    When a patients "sample" comes in bottled, with a lable on and at cask strength maybe, just maybe, we should suggest they drink more water

  38. Robin says:

    Thats a very fine Whisky youre drinking. I want you to [Ed. Let’s cut that off there shall we…]

  39. Stephen Mathis says:

    "This is the Lagavulin Feis Ile, my whisky that is in love with me."

  40. John Derks says:

    Hmm… the label says: "[i]squeeze to open[/i]". Let’s drammin’!

  41. J McMillan says:

    I’d kill for a dram… oh no wait

  42. Tristan says:

    In the evening I like to refresh with a dram of Lagavulin. I can now drink over one thousand.

  43. Doug Stewart says:

    Your place or mine?

  44. Linda jackson says:

    So thats how they get the smoke and bonfire aroma; ……….remove pin…and throwwwww…………!

  45. finlay Blackwood says:

    Drinking this would be the Christian think to do

  46. Jack says:

    I ordered a chainsaw, damn it!, what the hell is this?!

  47. Jack says:

    ok, the contest’s over… should have read better… 😉

  48. Fredric says:

    Not quite whiskey are we? More of a dirty whiskey…

  49. Mal Thornton says:

    Okay, I know its over but just come across this, had to add my bit.
    "I always though Jack Daniels was the hard stuff…..I don’t know if I can handle this!"

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