Caption Contest #3 – Win a dram of Lagavulin Feis Ile!
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Caption Contest #3 – Win a dram of Lagavulin Feis Ile!

by Michael Orson     19. January 2012 15:39

American Psycho

In our last caption contest, I posted a doctored still from the movie Scarface. I was pushing my luck a little, particularly as it involved editing out a machine gun and replacing it with a bottle of Bathtub Gin and a Martini. Ben let me get away with it.

This time, I think I may be in for a telling off, but it’ll be funny while it lasts, and delicious for all as the best three caption suggestions will each win a 3cl sample of the staggeringly good Lagavulin Feis Ile 2011, a whisky that we just loved when we first tried it on Islay last year (in a little cottage in a powercut in the middle of a ferocious storm no less!).

Your captions please for:

Patrick Bateman

The closing date is Friday 27th January... we await your suggestions!


PS. Please censor yourselves just a little, if only for propriety's sake... Nothing too rude please!

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Read the full story (50 Comments )

Comments (50) -

1/19/2012 3:57:23 PM #

I don't want to get you drunk, but, ah, that's a very fine Whisky you're not drinking...

Tom United Kingdom

1/19/2012 4:27:32 PM #

I didn't want to have to kill you. But you left me no choice. If only you'd have offered me a dram. Now you'll never get to try this beguiling and flavor filled Lagavulin expression. Stupid bitch.

G-LO United States

1/19/2012 5:37:05 PM #

I didn't want to kill you, but if your going to mix this Whisky with Coke, then you leave me no choice

Matt Taylor United Kingdom

1/19/2012 5:38:30 PM #

Do you like Lagavulin? I've been a big Islay fan ever since the release of their Distiller's Edition, cask strength. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual.

jellydonut Norway

1/19/2012 7:26:00 PM #

Damn jet lag!

French guy France

1/19/2012 9:39:09 PM #

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's whisky had more peat ... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

JoshK United States

1/20/2012 10:25:42 AM #

"don't just look at it - drink it"

Thomas Aske United Kingdom

1/20/2012 11:53:58 AM #

I've not seen the movie - an excuse for my bad caption
"mmmmm, putting the villian in lagavulin"

Fraser Paterson United Kingdom

1/20/2012 12:06:09 PM #

"......where can i hide this so that Robin cant get it ???'s in his best interests....Holely peaty goodness Robin....."

wayne United Kingdom

1/20/2012 12:09:03 PM #

Patrick Bateman ponders swapping out his friend's Lagavulin for a bottle of Teachers. He's "a pretty sick guy"...

Kavey United Kingdom

1/20/2012 12:17:21 PM #

If you are thirsty drink water, if you want to enjoy your thirst drink Lagavullin

Kees Noeken Netherlands

1/20/2012 12:20:36 PM #

Is that a raincoat ?

Yes, it is. In '11, Lagavulin released this, Feis Ile 2011, their most accomplished dram. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Lagavulian 16"

The dram's so peaty, most people probably don't savour the flavours.

James United Kingdom

1/20/2012 12:23:48 PM #

"Wow, I never thought I would encounter anything smoother and better looking than myself"

Ed United Kingdom

1/20/2012 12:37:28 PM #

or should it be "better looking than me"?  hmmm

Ed United Kingdom

1/20/2012 12:41:51 PM #

Damn it ! I was so drunk last night I filled my torture bag with single malt instead of my usual tools. Now, what should I do with that one ?

Franck Debernardi France

1/20/2012 12:47:02 PM #

"Well i'm not going to hack many people up with this, now where the hell did i leave that axe"....

simon bell United Kingdom

1/20/2012 1:57:42 PM #

Peat! Peat! is that you in there?
What have they done with Big Peat?

Jason Bain United Kingdom

1/20/2012 2:05:41 PM #

Patrick Bateman: Do you like Lagavulin?
Paul Allen: It’s OK.
Patrick Bateman: Their younger work was a little too peaty for my tastes, but when the 21 year-old came out, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole dram has a clear, crisp flavor, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the distillery a big boost. They’ve been compared to Laphroig, but I think Lagavulin has a far much more complex, sweet sense of taste.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In '2011, Lagavulin re-released this, Feis Ile, their most accomplished bottling. I think it’s their undisputed masterpiece, a dram so tasty, most people probably don't take to time to appreciate all of its flavors. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about whisky itself.
[raises bottle above head]
Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
[bashes Allen in the head with the bottle]
Patrick Bateman: TRY USING SINGLE MALTS IN YOUR MANHATTENS NOW YOU... [Ed. Edited for propriety's sake]

Justin Burt United States

1/20/2012 2:11:11 PM #


"Don't touch the scotch."

Justin Burt United States

1/20/2012 3:00:16 PM #

a: Don't just stare at it, drink it!

(someone attempted this already but with the incorrect verbiage)

b: Dorcia is really getting to be very upscale!

Jason Baglietto United States

1/20/2012 3:50:48 PM #

A dram a day keeps my cheek bones looking Feis-ty!

Kavey United Kingdom

1/20/2012 3:54:20 PM #

"That's a very fine Lagavulin you're drinking. I want you [Ed. Removed for propriety]"

Kavey United Kingdom

1/20/2012 4:06:53 PM #

" Hmm....I've plenty of time to sober up before Batman Begins " !

paul newcombe United Kingdom

1/20/2012 6:37:01 PM #

Mmm. Looks too good to drink, but what the hell !

bob United Kingdom

1/22/2012 7:57:24 AM #

You've been double timing me again?

Gal Granov Israel

1/22/2012 9:50:43 AM #

"When I looked at her a part of me wanted to open her, the other part of me wanted to see what she looked like smashed against the wall..."

Mark Germany

1/22/2012 7:46:35 PM #

Look what I found in the belly!

Hans Sweden

1/23/2012 6:17:31 AM #

That’s bee-you-tee-ful, what is that... velvet?

Matt Australia

1/23/2012 10:23:42 AM #

You're not really blonde are you, more of a dirty blonde...

Russ United Kingdom

1/23/2012 10:24:16 AM #

Your compliment was enough, Lagavulin.

Russ United Kingdom

1/23/2012 10:29:18 AM #

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!

Russ United Kingdom

1/23/2012 10:30:57 AM #

I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to... sip?


Cheers all

Russ United Kingdom

1/24/2012 12:57:31 PM #

"Damn! I wish I was man enough."

Thierry Finland

1/24/2012 3:34:09 PM #

Just my usual dram and it's alter ego time, hmmmm.

Wm thompson United Kingdom

1/24/2012 10:28:03 PM #

Come out and play, pour out another bottle
Let’s do it all today and worry about it all tomorrow
I do it for the thrill
You know I love the rush
And once you get me going I can never get enough
I grew tired of the same, then one night
Packed my things, told the one I love
I’ll be back one day
Through the fight, through the pain
Booked a flight, took a flight
Told her not to cry
I’ll be back one day
Ok I’m in it, I’m in it to the finish
I keep them bottles coming like my card aint got no limit
Got some friends that playing football
And some friends that playing cricket
I said I’m in it, I’m in it till the finish
I keep them bottles coming till there ain’t nothing in it
We gone keep it coming till I no speak no English
Been dreaming this since I was young
So baby girl I’ll be going I am fed up singing the same old song
But "I'll be back" Arnold Schwarzenegger says  "I'll be back"
And I won’t be gone long.

William George Hynd United Kingdom

1/25/2012 10:10:41 AM #

Is that a Lagavulin in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?

Kevin Savage Australia

1/25/2012 10:45:18 AM #

When a patients "sample" comes in bottled, with a lable on and at cask strength maybe, just maybe, we should suggest they drink more water

Linda Burt United Kingdom

1/26/2012 9:43:19 AM #

Thats a very fine Whisky youre drinking. I want you to [Ed. Let's cut that off there shall we...]

Robin Sweden

1/26/2012 2:16:35 PM #

"This is the Lagavulin Feis Ile, my whisky that is in love with me."

Stephen Mathis United States

1/27/2012 12:02:00 PM #

Hmm... the label says: "squeeze to open". Let's drammin'!

John Derks Netherlands

1/27/2012 12:52:43 PM #

I'd kill for a dram... oh no wait

J McMillan United Kingdom

1/27/2012 1:20:12 PM #

In the evening I like to refresh with a dram of Lagavulin. I can now drink over one thousand.

Tristan United Kingdom

1/27/2012 1:29:17 PM #

Your place or mine?

Doug Stewart United Kingdom

1/27/2012 2:43:22 PM #

So thats how they get the smoke and bonfire aroma; ..........remove pin...and throwwwww............!

Linda jackson United Kingdom

1/27/2012 5:39:13 PM #

Drinking this would be the Christian think to do

finlay Blackwood United Kingdom

1/29/2012 4:46:14 PM #

I ordered a chainsaw, damn it!, what the hell is this?!

Jack Italy

1/29/2012 4:49:02 PM #

ok, the contest's over... should have read better... ;)

Jack Italy

1/31/2012 3:16:42 PM #

Not quite whiskey are we? More of a dirty whiskey...

Fredric Sweden

6/5/2012 3:36:07 PM #

Okay, I know its over but just come across this, had to add my bit.
"I always though Jack Daniels was the hard stuff.....I don't know if I can handle this!"

Mal Thornton United Kingdom

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tangkasnet United States

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