Caption Contest #3 – Win a dram of Lagavulin Feis Ile!

19th January 2012 3:39 pm

American Psycho

In our last caption contest, I posted a doctored still from the movie Scarface. I was pushing my luck a little, particularly as it involved editing out a machine gun and replacing it with a bottle of Bathtub Gin and a Martini. Ben let me get away with it.

This time, I think I may be in for a telling off, but it’ll be funny while it lasts, and delicious for all as the best three caption suggestions will each win a 3cl sample of the staggeringly good Lagavulin Feis Ile 2011, a Lagavulin whisky that we just loved when we first tried it on Islay last year (in a little cottage in a powercut in the middle of a ferocious storm no less!).

Your captions please for:

The closing date is Friday 27th January… we await your suggestions!

Mike.

PS. Please censor yourselves just a little, if only for propriety’s sake… Nothing too rude please!

Master of Malt

We employ a wide range of writers, authors, commentators and industry experts for the Master of Malt blog.

49 Comments

Tom says:

19th January 2012 at 3:57 pm

I don’t want to get you drunk, but, ah, that’s a very fine Whisky you’re not drinking…

Reply
G-LO says:

19th January 2012 at 4:27 pm

I didn’t want to have to kill you. But you left me no choice. If only you’d have offered me a dram. Now you’ll never get to try this beguiling and flavor filled Lagavulin expression. Stupid bitch.

Reply
Matt Taylor says:

19th January 2012 at 5:37 pm

I didn’t want to kill you, but if your going to mix this Whisky with Coke, then you leave me no choice

Reply
jellydonut says:

19th January 2012 at 5:38 pm

Do you like Lagavulin? I’ve been a big Islay fan ever since the release of their Distiller’s Edition, cask strength. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual.

Reply
French guy says:

19th January 2012 at 7:26 pm

Damn jet lag!

Reply
JoshK says:

19th January 2012 at 9:39 pm

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul’s whisky had more peat … and is obviously more expensive than mine.

Reply
Thomas Aske says:

20th January 2012 at 10:25 am

"don’t just look at it – drink it"

Reply
Fraser Paterson says:

20th January 2012 at 11:53 am

I’ve not seen the movie – an excuse for my bad caption
"mmmmm, putting the villian in lagavulin"

Reply
wayne says:

20th January 2012 at 12:06 pm

"……where can i hide this so that Robin cant get it ???….it’s in his best interests….Holely peaty goodness Robin….."

Reply
Kavey says:

20th January 2012 at 12:09 pm

Patrick Bateman ponders swapping out his friend’s Lagavulin for a bottle of Teachers. He’s "a pretty sick guy"…

Reply
Kees Noeken says:

20th January 2012 at 12:17 pm

If you are thirsty drink water, if you want to enjoy your thirst drink Lagavullin

Reply
James says:

20th January 2012 at 12:20 pm

Is that a raincoat ?

Yes, it is. In ’11, Lagavulin released this, Feis Ile 2011, their most accomplished dram. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Lagavulian 16"

The dram’s so peaty, most people probably don’t savour the flavours.

Reply
Ed says:

20th January 2012 at 12:23 pm

"Wow, I never thought I would encounter anything smoother and better looking than myself"

Reply
Ed says:

20th January 2012 at 12:37 pm

or should it be "better looking than me"? hmmm

Reply
Franck Debernardi says:

20th January 2012 at 12:41 pm

Damn it ! I was so drunk last night I filled my torture bag with single malt instead of my usual tools. Now, what should I do with that one ?

Reply
simon bell says:

20th January 2012 at 12:47 pm

"Well i’m not going to hack many people up with this, now where the hell did i leave that axe"….

Reply
Jason Bain says:

20th January 2012 at 1:57 pm

Peat! Peat! is that you in there?
What have they done with Big Peat?

Reply
Justin Burt says:

20th January 2012 at 2:05 pm

Patrick Bateman: Do you like Lagavulin?
Paul Allen: It’s OK.
Patrick Bateman: Their younger work was a little too peaty for my tastes, but when the 21 year-old came out, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole dram has a clear, crisp flavor, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the distillery a big boost. They’ve been compared to Laphroig, but I think Lagavulin has a far much more complex, sweet sense of taste.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In ‘2011, Lagavulin re-released this, Feis Ile, their most accomplished bottling. I think it’s their undisputed masterpiece, a dram so tasty, most people probably don’t take to time to appreciate all of its flavors. But they should, because it’s not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it’s also a personal statement about whisky itself.
[raises bottle above head]
Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
[bashes Allen in the head with the bottle]
Patrick Bateman: TRY USING SINGLE MALTS IN YOUR MANHATTENS NOW YOU… [Ed. Edited for propriety’s sake]

Reply
Justin Burt says:

20th January 2012 at 2:11 pm

Also…

"Don’t touch the scotch."

Reply
Jason Baglietto says:

20th January 2012 at 3:00 pm

a: Don’t just stare at it, drink it!

(someone attempted this already but with the incorrect verbiage)

b: Dorcia is really getting to be very upscale!

Reply
Kavey says:

20th January 2012 at 3:50 pm

A dram a day keeps my cheek bones looking Feis-ty!

Reply
Kavey says:

20th January 2012 at 3:54 pm

"That’s a very fine Lagavulin you’re drinking. I want you [Ed. Removed for propriety]"

Reply
paul newcombe says:

20th January 2012 at 4:06 pm

" Hmm….I’ve plenty of time to sober up before Batman Begins " !

Reply
bob says:

20th January 2012 at 6:37 pm

Mmm. Looks too good to drink, but what the hell !

Reply
Gal Granov says:

22nd January 2012 at 7:57 am

You’ve been double timing me again?

Reply
Mark says:

22nd January 2012 at 9:50 am

"When I looked at her a part of me wanted to open her, the other part of me wanted to see what she looked like smashed against the wall…"

Reply
Hans says:

22nd January 2012 at 7:46 pm

Look what I found in the belly!

Reply
Matt says:

23rd January 2012 at 6:17 am

That’s bee-you-tee-ful, what is that… velvet?

Reply
Russ says:

23rd January 2012 at 10:23 am

You’re not really blonde are you, more of a dirty blonde…

Reply
Russ says:

23rd January 2012 at 10:24 am

Your compliment was enough, Lagavulin.

Reply
Russ says:

23rd January 2012 at 10:29 am

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!

Reply
Russ says:

23rd January 2012 at 10:30 am

I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to… sip?

Hahaha

Cheers all

Reply
Thierry says:

24th January 2012 at 12:57 pm

"Damn! I wish I was man enough."

Reply
Wm thompson says:

24th January 2012 at 3:34 pm

Just my usual dram and it’s alter ego time, hmmmm.

Reply
William George Hynd says:

24th January 2012 at 10:28 pm

Come out and play, pour out another bottle
Let’s do it all today and worry about it all tomorrow
I do it for the thrill
You know I love the rush
And once you get me going I can never get enough
I grew tired of the same, then one night
Packed my things, told the one I love
I’ll be back one day
Through the fight, through the pain
Booked a flight, took a flight
Told her not to cry
I’ll be back one day
Ok I’m in it, I’m in it to the finish
I keep them bottles coming like my card aint got no limit
Got some friends that playing football
And some friends that playing cricket
I said I’m in it, I’m in it till the finish
I keep them bottles coming till there ain’t nothing in it
We gone keep it coming till I no speak no English
Been dreaming this since I was young
So baby girl I’ll be going I am fed up singing the same old song
But "I’ll be back" Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I’ll be back"
And I won’t be gone long.

Reply
Kevin Savage says:

25th January 2012 at 10:10 am

Is that a Lagavulin in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?

Reply
Linda Burt says:

25th January 2012 at 10:45 am

When a patients "sample" comes in bottled, with a lable on and at cask strength maybe, just maybe, we should suggest they drink more water

Reply
Robin says:

26th January 2012 at 9:43 am

Thats a very fine Whisky youre drinking. I want you to [Ed. Let’s cut that off there shall we…]

Reply
Stephen Mathis says:

26th January 2012 at 2:16 pm

"This is the Lagavulin Feis Ile, my whisky that is in love with me."

Reply
John Derks says:

27th January 2012 at 12:02 pm

Hmm… the label says: "[i]squeeze to open[/i]". Let’s drammin’!

Reply
J McMillan says:

27th January 2012 at 12:52 pm

I’d kill for a dram… oh no wait

Reply
Tristan says:

27th January 2012 at 1:20 pm

In the evening I like to refresh with a dram of Lagavulin. I can now drink over one thousand.

Reply
Doug Stewart says:

27th January 2012 at 1:29 pm

Your place or mine?

Reply
Linda jackson says:

27th January 2012 at 2:43 pm

So thats how they get the smoke and bonfire aroma; ……….remove pin…and throwwwww…………!

Reply
finlay Blackwood says:

27th January 2012 at 5:39 pm

Drinking this would be the Christian think to do

Reply
Jack says:

29th January 2012 at 4:46 pm

I ordered a chainsaw, damn it!, what the hell is this?!

Reply
Jack says:

29th January 2012 at 4:49 pm

ok, the contest’s over… should have read better… 😉

Reply
Fredric says:

31st January 2012 at 3:16 pm

Not quite whiskey are we? More of a dirty whiskey…

Reply
Mal Thornton says:

5th June 2012 at 3:36 pm

Okay, I know its over but just come across this, had to add my bit.
"I always though Jack Daniels was the hard stuff…..I don’t know if I can handle this!"

Reply