Crikey, a lot happens whilst you’re away for a few days doesn’t it? Turn your back, and all of a sudden the recent uber-releases from Dalmore, Macallan, and Aisla T’Orten ain’t no thang – it’s all about the Isabella’s Islay… Released a week or so ago, this extraordinary piece of work is being billed as the world’s most expensive whisky, at $6,200,000:

Imagine, therefore, our surprise when the press release for the new world’s most expensive whisky landed in our inbox this morning*.

May we present to you – the world’s most expensive whisky at £29,000,014.12 – The NW1 Blend:

Launched earlier this week by KAB (Kathmandu Alcoholic Beverages), and following the recent trend for somewhat fantastical packaging, we feel that this is perhaps the most opulent and luxurious packaging yet applied to Scotland’s finest…

[Packaging: Opulent]

That’s right folks, the NW1 Blend comes packaged not in wood recovered from the Ancient bog of Kathahn-m’Rah, nor in a bottle made from purest unobtainium studded with the 80,000 100 carat diamonds all of which have been blessed personally by the Dali Llama (these were floated as concepts, but were apparently deemed far too passé). No, my fellow mugs ladies and gentlemen, this whisky comes packaged in its very own 6 Bed, 6 Bath, 5 reception room Luxury Apartment housed within Regent’s Park’s Cornwall Terrace.

[Also available as a case of six]

The extraordinary ‘packaging’ features air conditioning, a home cinema, gym, steam room and sauna, and of course a state-of-the-art security system to keep the whisky safe and sound.

KAB’s spokesman, Horatio Gaggenhack explains the process for the selection of the whisky:

“It was important for us to achieve the best possible result for the whisky contained within this extraordinary case, so we quite literally ‘sent’ our master blender ‘out’ to find something. Sure enough, 10 minutes later, he’d ‘bought’ a bottle of Supermarket Scotch for £14.12, and lovingly ‘plonked’ it on the living room table.”

Back at MoM towers, we searched down the back of the sofa for at least 30 seconds, looked in all our old jacket pockets, and even went round the office asking if anyone owed us money, but unable to find the £29,000,014.12 necessary to secure our own tasting sample, we pressed Horatio for some tasting notes:

The NW1 Blend

Nose: Not much really. Maybe just a whiff of contempt for anyone who doesn’t own a custom-coach-built rolls.

Taste: Absolutely none whatsoever. Obviously.

Palate: Ostentatiously rich and very, very thick indeed.

Finish: No, you idiots, it’s from Scotland. Don’t you know anything?

The NW1 Blend is available to purchase now priced at a mere £29,000,014.12.

*dramatisation. May not have happened.


– The Chaps at Master of Malt –