Captain Morgan has entered the world of undergarment creation this Valentine’s Day for reasons I will never understand…
In news I swear I’m not making up, Captain Morgan has released ‘posepants’ to its ‘exclusive apparel line’. Also known as #MyCaptains (not a great start), they encourage you to pose like the good Captain himself, and have specially designed the boxers to allow you to do so.
Essentially, the design works by fitting one leg to cover part of your thigh, like a pair of boxers, and the other leg to fit more like a pair of briefs, which will allow you to strike your Captain’s pose with ease. Finally. It’s what we’re all crying out for. Underwear that lets you woo your partner by way of lust or laughter (I suspect the latter) without having to be adept in yoga.
Those of you who have managed not to lose their heads will now be asking, “but, why has this happened?”** Luckily, the rum maker’s online apparel store has a helpful description: ‘You never know when a rogue barrel will roll by and you’ll have to bust out a captain-ly pose. Be prepared with the pose-perfecting boxer briefs – created to give your leg full range to raise up to a whole new level.’
If a rogue barrel rolls on by me on Valentine’s, I’m jumping in its way and excusing myself from a world in which these will apparently have demand.
*I swear they’re just trying to upset me.
**This is not how I imagined my writing career would go.