Captain Morgan has entered the world of undergarment creation this Valentine’s Day by launching the Captain Morgan Pose Pants.
The signature ‘Pose Pants’, also known as #MyCaptains, is to join its exclusive apparel line. I swear I’m not making this up.
They encourage you to pose like the good Captain himself. You know, that one he’s doing on the bottle? That you’ve never tried to emulate because… why would you? Well, Captain Morgan Pose Pants let you imitate that. Finally, right?
They essentially look unfinished. But, sadly, these are ready for release
See for yourself: The Captain Morgan Pose Pants
The design works by fitting one leg to cover part of your thigh, like a pair of boxers, and the other leg to fit more like a pair of briefs. It’s underwear that lets you woo your partner by way of lust or laughter (I suspect the latter). Without having to be adept at yoga. Or possess any social skills.
You’ll have noticed they come in Captain Morgan’s signature red. And the famous sword logo on one leg and a message underneath the black elastic waistband, which bears the Captain’s name and the words… ‘Live Like A Captain’*.
Captain Morgan has briefed that they are designed to spice up your life. Presumably rather less like a 90s Girl-Power playlist and more like somebody has pressed a birdseye chilli through your widening pupils.
We Rum This Ship right into the depths of the fucking sea.
Live Like A Captain, Pose Like A Prat
The rum maker’s online apparel store offers this description: “You never know when a rogue barrel will roll by, and you’ll have to bust out a captain-ly pose. Be prepared with the pose-perfecting boxer briefs – created to give your legs full range to raise up to a whole new level.”
If a rogue barrel rolls on by me on Valentine’s, I’m jumping in its way and excusing myself from a world in which these will apparently have demand.
And if your partner does inexplicably happen to pick them up for Valentine’s, you’ll know that relationship is heading for the rocks.
*I swear they’re just trying to upset me. This is my actual career, by the way. I’m writing about Captain Morgan Pose Pants. What happened?
