We’ve managed to gain access to the tool whisky brands and marketing agencies use to name whiskies – and we’ve made it available for you to use!
EDIT: Some of you figured it out – this was indeed an elaborate ruse that has something to do with today’s date! We can only hope that one day The Clyburn Airgid Mighty Fine Tornado will be a real bottling…
We recently made a startling discovery. You know those whisky brands and the marketing agencies that create the lovely names for the whiskies we all enjoy? Well, as it turns out, they have access to a Whisky Name Generator to help them come up with new names! With the sheer number of new expressions released at quite a clip nowadays, this tool was invented to allow agencies to both generate a name and kick-start the branding process in just a few quick clicks. Handy.
Now, we know that many of our customers are likely to be rational empiricists and won’t simply take our word for it. You’ll want to see it for yourselves. We’ve therefore gone to great lengths to give you access to the Whisky Name Generator too by embedding it within this blog post.
TRY IT NOW – Choose a distillery/brand and hit the Generate Name button! (Once it’s loaded…)
Complete your application
Whisky Name Generator 98
Splining possible whisky names against the matrix mainframe
We managed to gain access to the Whisky Name Generator through some unidentified methods which we can neither confirm nor deny involved a hacker akin to the protagonist of the 2001 blockbuster Swordfish, several claw hammers and a plan that originally began as a caper to steal the Declaration of Independence. After extensive research, we can confirm this is the real deal. A massive revelation, we’re sure you’ll agree.
A word of warning – the people behind the Whisky Name Generator aren’t too keen on everyone having access to it. They’re likely quite miffed that we’ve done this, so we’re not sure how long we’ll be able to keep the link up. If you want to have a play with the tool, we recommend doing so right now. In fact, just in case they’ve clocked what’s going on, we’re going to type out some random words to throw them off the trail and buy you some time. Ballroom. Escalator. Hugh Laurie. Skateboarding. Lasagna. That’s probably done it.