They've have created another monster, summoned from the very bowels of hell, formed in a vile carboy filled with a horrid mound of Naga Jolokia chillies, steeped in grain vodka. It's packaged in a handsome, heavy glass bottle with industrial-grade sealing wire and lead security seal (with a skull and crossbones embossed on it). To get to this bottle, you'll literally have to open it with wire cutters, but we strongly recommend that you don't. In fact, this unspeakable 250,000 Scovilles vodka is a chilli vodka so horrendous we suggest you don’t even purchase it. Please just shut down your computer and have a nice cup of tea instead. Try to forget what you saw.
Any decent chilli product comes with warnings, here are ours:
By purchasing this bottle, you agree that:
1) I have been warned and fully understand that this product contains extreme heat and should be used and handled responsibly.
2) I use this product entirely at my own risk and I understand the potential danger if used or handled irresponsibly. If I give this product as a gift I will make the recipient aware of the potential danger if used or handled irresponsibly.
3) I accept that the retailer and manufacturer of this product will, under no circumstances, be responsible for, or liable for, any claims of injury or damage arising from the use or misuse of this product and by purchasing this product, whether for myself or as a gift, I acknowledge and agree to this fact without question.
4) I am not inebriated or of unsound mind and am fully able to make a rational decision to purchase this product.
Tasting Note by The Chaps at Master of Malt
Nose It smells like the devil’s tears, with a side of Agent Orange mixed with Pepper Spray. Ben, Ben please don’t make me drink this, can’t we just guess how it tastes? It just seems wholly unnecessary to drink it.
Palate Oh it’s not so bad. No it’s fine really... Oh, actually it’s quite hot… Wait a second… Oh what have you done… Mooo… Moooooooooo. Moooooooooooooooooo. Yaggarrhrhhh….
Finish [Ed. He’s slipped from his chair and is now rocking back and forth maniacally under his chair, holding his computer mouse for comfort. The DHL delivery man saw this and ran out screaming.]
Overall [Ed. He’s been shivering in terror for over an hour now, chanting the words “liberate tutemae” over and over.]