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Cocks' Scotch Eggs

by Master of Malt     1. April 2013 00:01

Inner Workings of a Chicken Still

After our many years in the wonderful business of whisky purveyance, it’s not often that we come across something that really takes us aback. Today, however, we have the rare honour of announcing a distilling phenomenon hitherto unknown: A heady blend of spirit and science, seasoned with a shake of quackery and a dose of credulity...

Cocks’ Scotch Eggs: Single Malt Whisky in Egg Form

We’ll dispense with all the scientific minutiae which usually accompany a breakthrough of this magnitude, and simply begin by introducing you to the man behind the marvel: Occasional scientist, quasi-intellectual and poultry-fan Brian Cocks.

Dr Brian Cocks

The infamous Dr Brian Cocks

 

Cocks, who was briefly lead thereminist in the hit ‘80s band Group of Ptarmigans, came up with the idea one day when staring wistfully into an Andalusian sunset.

“As I gawped reverently at the setting sun, I realised it looked slightly like a Colombian Blacktail egg. I had a glass of Scotch in my hand to take the edge off of having just worked out the meaning of life, and then it hit me...”

Yes, Cocks was assailed by a livid specimen, genus Gallus gallus domesticus – the common chicken.

“What fowl treatment,” yelled Cocks, chuckling at his own wit. He then promptly took the furious Bantam back to his laboratory, for he had an ingenious idea.

Realising that chicken eggs are airtight, and that the capacity of a large hen ovum is roughly equivalent to that of a double measure of Scotch whisky, Brian set about creating a miniature pot still.

After some research, it was found that the stomach of a chicken could be made to withstand high temperatures if carefully lined with a copper-based alloy known in the trade as Galluminium. With this rare metal carefully installed within the chicken’s gigerium, the ambient temperature of a Bantam can be raised to between 80°C and 90°C. Given that alcohol evaporates at 79°C, this is ample for distillation to take place.

Using a scaled-down replica of the renowned stills at a legendary Islay distillery, Cocks was able to convert the inner-workings of the bird into a tiny still house, which he named Ardbegg. Distillation commenced and, a few weeks later, the first few whisky-filled eggs were laid.

“My first idea was simply to feed the chickens a load of wort, but these days if you even look the wrong way at a chicken, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall will run a documentary series outing you as a bastard.”

After much experimentation, Cocks also set up Laphregg and Leggavulin in a Colombian Blacktail and a Bresse respectively. Now, for a limited time only, all three sets of “Scotch Eggs” are available for purchase in conveniently packaged boxes of six:

 

Ardbegg Eggeadail

Ardbegg Eggeadail – £34.95


Nose: An even whack of gloopy egg, rich peat, and spicy sherry. A truly intr-egg-ing aroma.

Palate: The sherry comes to the fore with a lip-smacking drying quality. Albumen coats the mouth.

Finish: This is no yolk! Heavy and rich but perfectly balanced. Drying, long, and smoky. Egg-cellent.

Overall: The perfect ingredient for a late-night frittata…

 

Laphregg Quarter Cock

Laphregg Quarter Cock – £24.95


Nose: Medicinal with a hefty helping of toffee and hickory smoke. Toast soldiers.

Palate: Nutty and sweet flavours abound but do not eclipse the globulins and albumins, creating the perfect balancing act of mouthcoating richness.

Finish: A triumph from Dr Cocks and a "clucking" good dram.

Overall: This will win over even the most hard-boiled of whisky lovers...

 

Leggavulin Distillers Eggdition

Leggavulin Distillers Eggdition – £27.95


Nose: Scrambled eggs with Lapsang Souchong tea. An egg-cellently rich and yolky nose…

Palate: Viscous mouthfeel with a rich and creamy feel. Smoked eggs and a bit of ham ooze through.

Finish: Long and spicy with some vanilla and a bit of sulfur.

Overall: Certainly a dram for serious bodybuilders who love a peaty whisky. A real alternative to Glucozade Port

 

Described by noted evolutionary biologist, Dickie Dawkins, as a “cruel misuse of hens”, Cocks’ Scotch Eggs are exclusively available from Master of Malt for one day only. Buy now to avoid disappointment later...

- The Chaps at Master of Malt

Comments (2) -

4/1/2013 10:17:59 AM #

Very funny!

Adam Warburton United Kingdom

4/1/2013 2:34:23 PM #

Have been working on cows producing Havana Club milk for some time to no avail, congrats on a great accomplishment!

D. Airee United Kingdom

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